


Fear of Falling

by fightingtherobots



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightingtherobots/pseuds/fightingtherobots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after all the chaos has settled down, Castiel still has nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear of Falling

Even after all the chaos has settled down, Castiel still has nightmares.

Specifically one nightmare, over and over again in which he is standing in Heaven and can hear their screaming. Most of the screams are of pure agony and pain, but a select few shout his name, accusing him in loud, rough voices. Knowing voices; those angels scream his name as they fall, as their wings burn off their backs and their connection to Heaven is ripped from their minds. Castiel quakes with the sound of their cacophonous accusations and shouts of pain.

And then, just when he thinks he will be broken by the very sound, silence comes. Castiel can hear only one voice now: Dean. He’s screaming for Castiel from below Cas’ feet. Even in pain, Dean’s voice remains strong.

“Cas!”

Castiel’s only thought becomes helping Dean, the screams of his brothers and sisters momentarily forgotten. And then the floor is gone, and Castiel is falling.

He tries to spread his wings as he drops through the stratosphere, but with a pain in his chest he realizes that he does not belong in Heaven any longer. He betrayed his siblings. He does not belong among the Heavenly host.

And so he falls, an act that should be peaceful but is not. The whoosh of air past his ears taunts him, whispering to him about all his failures and faults. A great sense of loss overcomes him, emphasized only by the scream of his name.

"Castiel!”

He thinks for a moment that Dean’s shout sounded even more desperate, but the ground is coming up faster and faster and Cas knows that impact is imminent.

But suddenly it isn’t.

Cas has fallen through the ground, and any delusions he once had that he might have been an angel are gone as he is dragged through the dirt to the center of the Earth. His human lungs fills with soil and his skin bruises as he is dragged down over rocks.

Though he is surrounded by darkness and loamy soil, Castiel can hear Dean’s cry for him. Cas opens his mouth to respond and tastes only dirt and earthworms. He’s being forced through the soil quickly, as if he’s a magnet drawn against his will to whatever is waiting for him below the soil. He can feel it getting hotter around him until he is suddenly assaulted by light and heat.

There’s fire burning everywhere as Cas descends to the center of Hell. He can hear Dean telling for him over and over, a litany of his name. Like a prayer. Castiel sees familiar faces around him interspersed with the ghastly visages of demons; Sam is among them, trapped in a cage of frosted iron bars. Castiel reaches out a hand toward him, but he’s still being pulled toward the center of the Earth.   
Dean’s voice is getting louder, closer. But Cas can’t see him until his crashes to the ground at Dean’s feet.

Dean is bound with his hands tied above his head to a large wooden pole, as if he was going to be burned at the stake. He is covered in blood from the thousands of small, rough tears in his skin. His eyes are large in fright, and it strikes Cas that Dean’s eyes seem to be the only thing pure in this place.

“Help me, Cas,” he begs.

Castiel scrambles to his feet. He pauses for a second to tenderly rest his hand on Dean’s cheek before standing on his toes to untie Dean.

“Just zap us out of here,” Dean says. “Like the first time you saved me.”

“I can’t, Dean,” Cas replies. His fingers don’t seem to be working as he struggles to undo the rope.

“Why not?” Dean demands, anger suddenly present in his voice.

Cas stops his frantic attempts at unknotting to look Dean in the eye. “I’m human now. I fell.” He thinks that maybe he’s fallen beyond just losing his grace and becoming human, and that there’s a reason he’s in Hell. He pushes the thought aside, focusing back on the knot. He undoes it, and the moment Dean has his hands free he pushes Castiel away.

“What good are you without your powers?” He asks vehemently. “What use are you to me?”

“Dean, Dean,” Cas stammers. Hurt fills his chest and fire licks his skin. He doesn’t know how to respond.

“Why would I need you if you’re not an angel? How can you help me or Sam?” There’s violence in Dean’s voice now, and he shoves Cas again. Too easily knocked over from the verbal onslaught, Castiel falls to his knees in front of Dean. “I don’t need you. I’d rather stay here than be weighed down with you.”

Castiel bends over weeping, begging Dean to accept him. He can’t stop crying, and as he’s roused from his painful dream by gentle hands and soft murmurings of his name, he finds that he’s crying outside of his nightmare as well.

Shaking with sobs, Cas allows himself to be pulled into Dean’s arms. They’re together, the two of them sharing a bed and blankets in the dark room. Dean is making soft shushing noises, as if he was comforting a child.

“I’m here, I’m here, Cas. It’s alright.”

Castiel has never told Dean about his dream. He can’t. He’s too afraid he might hear the words of the dream echoed back to him, the same way they resound in his head: _I don’t need you._


End file.
